What Is The Book of Rah?

“My old friend Igloo The Lizard died when a hay bale rolled over the road and crushed his car. He used to bring weed brownies to class and treat the teachers, not a single student failed the classes he was in...such glory days. Once I saw the casket I couldn’t hold back the tears man, we fell like dominos, the entire room sounded like a pack of howler monkeys. The grief was so real that we decided to drink out of Igloo’s urn. On a good note, I was swaged out in a thrift shop suede suit with the fake alligator boots.”

“Classic - Pull. Myself. Together! - I haven’t applied for a single job or internship. I’m going to be graduating like a 5 star stunna, poppin off the stage like fireworks on the 4th and celebrate with my family in the clubs. The problem is the next morning, I will go from a respected student with a mind set on the future, to a unemployed homeless failure that’s deadweight on society...shit’s gonna be one hundred to zero real fucking quick.”

"So you know that I've been playing tennis since high school. Joined junior year because Julia Romero looked like a Columbian Princess in a tennis skirt. I'm telling you man, tennis girls are a special kind of beauty. Turns out Sara from my advertising class is on the college team, so I challenged her, told her if I won she'd have to go on a date with me. Of course you're boy delivered as if I worked for UPS myself, like a fucking tiffany diamond it was a flawless victory...Okay I actually lost but she let me take her out anyways, I got my silver medal, my silver date and my silver tongue.

Last night I took Sara to the lake, had a surprise picnic, dropped some acid and tried to play some Disney songs on my ukulele. I told her that I wanted to open her Pandora’s box and eat that meat wallet. I've let my penis make way too many of my life decisions, none of which has ever been in my favor. Sara didn’t share my enthusiasm so I asked her to match me up with her twin sister...she was even less excited about that. I don’t know man, is she in the wrong here? Am I? I mean it’s still a compliment...right?”

“This guy at work got evicted a little while back so he now lives in an RV on the company parking lot. I’m pretty sure that he used to steal cars for a living but now he’s like the janitor slash handyman. Anyways, one day he tells me that he’s got something important to show me. He takes out his phone and scrolls through some pictures until he lands on a train wreck of a woman. We are talking about a ‘hell-safe,’ that’s a person who died from an overdose, went to hell and got spit back out because he/she was too nasty to keep. So I asked him who the girl was and the guy answers, ‘My wife.’

Turns out, his wife was a prostitute that he banged all over the company landscape when everyone’s left the office. Now the dude puts his phone away and asks if I want to make some side cash. The guy then tells me that he’s not only sleeping in the RV but he’s also cooking meth in it...and he’s using his wife and her prostitute friends to sell it. Got to the office this morning and the trailer was burned to the ground, the guy is gone...and so was ten grand worth of office equipment.”