"So you know that I've been playing tennis since high school. Joined junior year because Julia Romero looked like a Columbian Princess in a tennis skirt. I'm telling you man, tennis girls are a special kind of beauty. Turns out Sara from my advertising class is on the college team, so I challenged her, told her if I won she'd have to go on a date with me. Of course you're boy delivered as if I worked for UPS myself, like a fucking tiffany diamond it was a flawless victory...Okay I actually lost but she let me take her out anyways, I got my silver medal, my silver date and my silver tongue.
Last night I took Sara to the lake, had a surprise picnic, dropped some acid and tried to play some Disney songs on my ukulele. I told her that I wanted to open her Pandora’s box and eat that meat wallet. I've let my penis make way too many of my life decisions, none of which has ever been in my favor. Sara didn’t share my enthusiasm so I asked her to match me up with her twin sister...she was even less excited about that. I don’t know man, is she in the wrong here? Am I? I mean it’s still a compliment...right?”
Turns out, his wife was a prostitute that he banged all over the company landscape when everyone’s left the office. Now the dude puts his phone away and asks if I want to make some side cash. The guy then tells me that he’s not only sleeping in the RV but he’s also cooking meth in it...and he’s using his wife and her prostitute friends to sell it. Got to the office this morning and the trailer was burned to the ground, the guy is gone...and so was ten grand worth of office equipment.”