What Is The Book of Rah?

The Book of Rah is a dark comedy collection of stories, words of no wisdom and quotes that are straight to hell. Watch the videos below for a teaser on what to expect and the top reasons why you should read the book.

The Teaser

Reasons to Read The Book

It's a Book?

The Book of Rah isn't only a book, you can use it as a coaster, as firewood, as a Frisbee, but yeah, its main purpose is to be read. Are you wondering if it's any good? Check out the excerpts below and decide if it's your kind of party!

Quotes / Words of No wisdom

“First of all you need to get some wine, at the bottom of every $25 wine bottle there’s a $50 million idea. You got to spend money to make money!”
“I’m only going to sleep with lawyers, engineers and doctors this year, securing my financial future is a priority.”
“It was messier than I’d like to remember...pretty sure I cried just as much as she did...”
“Duuuuude, I saw that video. The girl in green was going crazy! Her hips moved as if they were possessed by an earthquake. I'd would salsa her glorious legs straight of the dance floor, through the city streets, past my bitch of a landlord and straight into my bedroom. She’d probably break my dick off tho...but who can’t live with a little broken dick!? Am I right or am I right?”
“They say that when life gives you lemons, squeeze them in the eye’s of your haters, but the truth is life doesn’t give you shit. One day you wake up and your living room is covered in cake and wet dollar bills, there’s a naked couple passed out in a baby pool that’s filled with Jell-o. Now you ask yourself what you’re doing with your life, and that’s the moment you got to stay positive. Remember that you’d rather be someone’s shot of cake, wet dollar bills and Jell-o than everyone’s cup of tea.”
“There was way too many wild animals. I had a raccoon pet named Racquet as my best friend all through middle school. He didn’t make it through high school though...he died from eating soap.”
“Trust me mate, I’m the Merlin of Odds, the Gandalf of Gambling, I’ve lost so many times that it can’t happen again.”


“My old friend Igloo The Lizard died when a hay bale rolled over the road and crushed his car. He used to bring weed brownies to class and treat the teachers, not a single student failed the classes he was in...such glory days. Once I saw the casket I couldn’t hold back the tears man, we fell like dominos, the entire room sounded like a pack of howler monkeys. The grief was so real that we decided to drink out of Igloo’s urn. On a good note, I was swaged out in a thrift shop suede suit with the fake alligator boots.”
“Classic - Pull. Myself. Together! - I haven’t applied for a single job or internship. I’m going to be graduating like a 5 star stunna, poppin off the stage like fireworks on the 4th and celebrate with my family in the clubs. The problem is the next morning, I will go from a respected student with a mind set on the future, to a unemployed homeless failure that’s deadweight on society...shit’s gonna be one hundred to zero real fucking quick.”

"So you know that I've been playing tennis since high school. Joined junior year because Julia Romero looked like a Columbian Princess in a tennis skirt. I'm telling you man, tennis girls are a special kind of beauty. Turns out Sara from my advertising class is on the college team, so I challenged her, told her if I won she'd have to go on a date with me. Of course you're boy delivered as if I worked for UPS myself, like a fucking tiffany diamond it was a flawless victory...Okay I actually lost but she let me take her out anyways, I got my silver medal, my silver date and my silver tongue.

Last night I took Sara to the lake, had a surprise picnic, dropped some acid and tried to play some Disney songs on my ukulele. I told her that I wanted to open her Pandora’s box and eat that meat wallet. I've let my penis make way too many of my life decisions, none of which has ever been in my favor. Sara didn’t share my enthusiasm so I asked her to match me up with her twin sister...she was even less excited about that. I don’t know man, is she in the wrong here? Am I? I mean it’s still a compliment...right?”

“This guy at work got evicted a little while back so he now lives in an RV on the company parking lot. I’m pretty sure that he used to steal cars for a living but now he’s like the janitor slash handyman. Anyways, one day he tells me that he’s got something important to show me. He takes out his phone and scrolls through some pictures until he lands on a train wreck of a woman. We are talking about a ‘hell-safe,’ that’s a person who died from an overdose, went to hell and got spit back out because he/she was too nasty to keep. So I asked him who the girl was and the guy answers, ‘My wife.’

Turns out, his wife was a prostitute that he banged all over the company landscape when everyone’s left the office. Now the dude puts his phone away and asks if I want to make some side cash. The guy then tells me that he’s not only sleeping in the RV but he’s also cooking meth in it...and he’s using his wife and her prostitute friends to sell it. Got to the office this morning and the trailer was burned to the ground, the guy is gone...and so was ten grand worth of office equipment.”

The Author & The Team

Who the hell are we?

The Book of Rah author Ace Gyllenspetz drinking a beer while driving a boat during a sunset.


CMO aka Chief Mayhem Officer and CMA aka Chief Motherf**king Author. Ace was raised by tuxedo wearing dragons but unfortunately never learned how to fly or spit fire.

MVP/Wild Card
The Book of Rah author Monty Strong giving a thumbs up while water skiing.


MVP aka Most Volatile Player. Holds the Guinness world record for being banned from the most bars internationally, Monty has overpowered a bear in jello wrestling,  he sailed around the world on nothing but animals, he backpacked through China blacked out, ran naked with the Bulls in Pamplona, he can hit 350 yards with his putter, he can draw a perfect circle and he's also a pathological liar.

The House Pet Pelican
The Book of Rah authors pet pelicn G6 attacking paparazzi posing as a fisherman.


Wears sick Air Jordans, got the team on his back, clutch king with Louie V feathers, hates paparazzi and has an unhealthy amount of lawsuits pending.

Buy Now

The Book of Rah is now available everywhere, or maybe not everywhere, but it's definitely available if you click HERE.

Get in Touch!

We'd love to hear from you...but don't expect a quick answer...we will probably be out drinking.